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Jealousy One of the Deadly Sins of Swinging
Of all the questions I get via email every week, jealousy and self-esteem always seem to creep their way into the “email bag,” so I convinced Mike to let me do part one. It happens to everyone, but how you react and how you deal with these two issues in the LifeStyle may have an impact in your everyday life as well.
Jealousy can spoil an evening even in the plain vanilla world. It can be a wedge with a capital “J!” How do you get over jealousy? Does it ever go away? In most cases, I would say yes, if you have good communication and listening skills. In this LifeStyle, flirting is a big part of the prelude to swinging. It’s also a good indication that if a couple can’t handle the flirting part, what comes after will be even more difficult.
If you, as a couple, or even if only one of you experience jealousy, this is what I want you to do. Keep in mind it doesn’t have to be right there at the club, but maybe on the way home or the next day. Sit down, take a good look at each other and then bare your feelings.
Case in point, John and Mary, a married couple and in the LifeStyle for two years, came into contact one night with the green-eyed monster. It is very important for the person who is listening to their partner bare his or her feelings to really listen. One must never be afraid to tell their partner what is going on in his/her head. Mary told John that he seemed to be having more fun with Betty than with her all evening and that it made her feel uncomfortable. She told him she actually felt jealous. The response from some men would be to laugh and say, “honey, you’re imagining it,” or “honey, it’s all in your head.” MEN, if she can say it out loud, don’t laugh or make remarks like that, ever.
Listen with respect, for this is the spouse that has elected to go to swing clubs with you and make your life more exciting along the way.
Back to John; John, is very intuitive and does listen, and asked (keyword), what it was in particular that made her feel jealous. Mary told John that although she didn’t mind John dancing with Betty, she wanted him to save some dances for her. I know some of you are thinking this is petty and Mary should get over it, but I can tell you that the next time they go to a club, Mary will be less likely to want to “share” John. You say, it’s just a dance, or maybe it’s just a fuck, but in the end what Mary was telling John was that at some point during the evening she wanted to bond. I asked John what they decided to do and he said, “Mary is the most important person in my life and it does matter what she thinks,” so they made a pact. They make time, even at a swing club, for each other. Whether it’s a dance, or hanging out right after playing with another couple. Here’s the moral of the story: no one is more important than the person you come to the club with.
*Names have been changed to protect the couples.
See you soon. Cori