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Adult Dating Website. . . Adultery?

My husband (soon to be ex) HAS HAD to Pornography Problems Since He Was about 14. We got married without me Knowing about the problem. When I found out my son WAS about 6 months old, when i clicked on a file on my desktop computer I did not Recognize That. Disgusting. So for the last 3 1 / 2 yrs We’ve Been Trying to Get Him help by counseling, a 12-step program, seeing our church leaders, etc.. . . Also I found out last year HE HAD That year signed up for adult dating website. Later He Told Me That HE HAD Been talking to a girl on there (online only, Supposedly) and HAD stopped shortly after. So here’s the question: I’m filing for divorce and sole custody want. I’m Concerned That Could Possibly Be His addiction Psychologically Damaging to our 3-year-old’s if He Is With Him staying overnight (around the time ET likes to view porn) and Could you walk in history dad. If I Could Provide proof of His profile on the dating site, Would That Be Enough To PROVE intent to commit adultery or adultery, and give me sole custody? * He Would Be Most Likely living history with parents about the problem Would Knew and Let Him then move back in with Them to Their basement, HIM Giving a computer and a room with a locked door. Not the kind of environment that I want my son living in, Even Temporarily. * He confided in my SIL That He Was not ready yet to get help. When Attending counseling, HE lied to the councelor. Every option I’ve Considered to keep us together and Prayed long and hard about this. I Have peace with my decision.

14 comments

  1. I would make an appointment to sit down with a lawyer. Write down all of your questions and have a consultation with them. I think that the profile does prove the intent to cheat, but not more than that. Definitely check it out though.

    Sorry this has happened to you – hope things get better for you soon.

    Good luck.

  2. you’re over reacting…. all guys spank the chicken… we just have been hiding it from our moms and sisters since we were like 12.. We usually never get caught….. relax.. and don’t make a fool of urself.

    and I’m sure your three year old has seen u naked plenty of times… probably milk time is his favorite.. and u wonder why boys turn out like we do.

  3. unless he has some serious problem (which this isn’t – except to you) you wouldn’t get sole custody!!!

    adultery is also not grounds for sole custody…

    you just want to hurt him the only way you can, and using a child to do that is the LOWEST OF THE LOW!!!

  4. infinite crisis 247

    1. talk to a lawyer before making any decision.
    2. adultery usually doesn’t count for beans when it comes to a decision of custody. what matters is the welfare of the child. is he an unfit father? nothing that you have wrote makes me think that he is. the court will most likely order evaluations of both of you and the child, as well as survey the environment where the child will live.
    3. try to do everything for the sake of your child. don’t let your bitterness at the situation blind your judgement.

  5. I don’t blame you for wanting to protect your child but he is the father. Instead of keeping your child from his father, consider supervised visits. Your son needs his dad regardless of the fact that dad sounds like a sex addict. Good luck and keep your son your #1 priority.

  6. Your child deserves his father… Is he a bad father or just likes to look at porn?

    Being an adulterer does not make someone a bad parent, walking out on them does…

    You sound very selfish to me. I would say to work out an amicable visitation and custody arrangment with your ex through lawyers and knock off the childish behavior…

    Your child deserves more than that…

  7. I’m sorry and don’t take this the wrong way but I think you’re INSANE! You are honestly shocked and appalled by the fact that a man looks at porn? Are you really that naive?! You need to get out of your little bubble and seeks some help. And as for the personals website, that is out of line and you have cause to be upset, but as for looking at pornography/masturbating…you are going to be very lonely for a long time if you think you’re going to find a man who doesn’t do it.

  8. Wow! Addiction is addiction because one can not control it. I would not want my son to walk in on his internet hobby either. His folks are not being very responsible under the circumstances, either. I know they love their son, but they should also love and want to protect that baby. I am sorry if that sounds mean. Unfortunately, I think there is little you can do. Adult dating does not necessarily mean porn. Have this conversation with your attorney and gage his thoughts. Best of luck. I feel for you.
    I am shocked of some of the answers here! Do people really believe that porn is normal and ok? It is the “gateway drug” for rape, child molestation, and other criminal activity. Not to mention that the women that are seem are not natural women damaging normal expections and degrading the natural. Cause of depression, more broken relationships? Maybe I am old school but those things should be kept between a man and his wife in the privacy of their bedroom.

    Great suggestion, William! Fireproof is excellent and has helped many.

  9. It’s sad! Porn addiction destroys families. Are you sure you want to get divorce? Does he want help at all?? Are you sure you don’t want to help him, maybe a temporary separation? have you seen this movie Fire Proof?? if not just watch it! Please pray to God before making any kind of decision.

  10. Damn This is terrible. I agree with angelmom.

  11. You are massively over-reacting.
    Sorry reality does not match up to your fantasy world.

    Virtually every state has no-fault divorce now.
    He didn’t commit adultery and even if he did it wouldn’t matter much.

    TBT; I feel more sorry for him than you.
    He masturbates so you are going to keep his child from him?
    What will you do to your son when you catch him masturbating in ten years?

  12. Hi I agree with you blue eyed surfer. Married 25 yrs all was fine, great sex life, in 2004 he stare with porn, I din’t know, then dating sites I din’t know, then he went overseas [not military] to work and had affair.
    He’s still overseas and good lookinbg son is 24 but high functioning autistic. I devoted my life to making him a happy, contributing member of society, volunteer work, sports and even can drive w/his license if another adult is with him. He does not need porn in his life, we’re involved in church if he wanted a g.f. it would be fine w/me.
    Anyway I am not going to be a hypocrite and allow porn in my home,
    before porn my huband was very affectionate for over 19 yrs. I have the right to divorce but I am hanging in to see what God will do.
    Your inlaws are so wrong how can they not care? I hope you get full custody but i guess it depends on the judge. Of course it would be damaging to you child, its too bad your husband perfers viewing whores to his precious son.

  13. wow! I feel really sorry for your husband and son. Look, you don’t want to be married to a guy who looks at porn. Oh well, you’re entitled, and good luck with that one. But the fact that the guy masturbates at night has nothing to do with his fitness as a father. You’re vindictiveness, however, says a lot about your fitness to be a mother.

  14. I had a similar experience with my ex. I considered it like he was having an affair. He spent more time on the computer with other women than with me. He exchanged inappropriate photos with theses ppl, they would have ssexually graphic conversations and they would have “dates” online. He viewed pron on his lap top while in the living room “family time”. He referred to this time as our “family time” even though he was consumed by what was on the screen in front of him.

    The first time, we went to marriage counseling. He too lied to the marriage counselor and would not admit to doing anything wrong or anything that polluted our relationship ormarriagee.

    The last time – I told him to stop or move out. He moved out.

    You will need proof. The judge will want specifics. The information about his online dating and any things that the counselor can provide will be helpful. You will have to prove without a doubt that he will do these things with your son present. You can request supervised visits pending him completing a court directed addiction program. Legal aid is a good place to start – they may have better answers than me and the services are free. ****I want to prepare you that ppl that have affairs will be able to see their children.

    Best Wishes
    Blessings

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