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Am I too naive, prudish, or valid in my Concerns?

I’ve Asked Several issues this week and am thankful for the answers. I’ve been Trying to make sense of things, wondering if I’ve beens just too naive, foolish, prudish or more. I’m naturally friendly and reserved. . . open minded, etc.. . . purpose I Was Recently Involved with a man That I do Have a deep love and connection to, purpose, ET is totally different than me and HAS Opened my eyes to-many things. If you look at my past issues then let me tell you I Learned, no he’s not a voyeurist, he’s Into viewing porn on the internet and Possibly adult personals (not sure about That One.) He broke up with me because i think ET felt I Was too judgmental because i DID Give My views on history activities. I love intimacy and All That Goes With It, Have always felt goal That is something special shared Between You and your partner only. After Asking Questions I’m feeling like I’ve been Such A Fool to what is really out there and am left wondering if I am too naive, prudish, or do I Have Concerns valid?

21 comments

  1. No, you’re not, and he’s not into just one person if he’s viewing porn and personal ads of a sexual nature. He’s not ready for the “one person for one person” concept, but you are. Continue looking, although I know it’s hard to let go. I’ve been where you are, and although I think about him daily, the hurt is less and less as each day passes. I wish you the best…your knight in shining armor IS out there!

  2. If you and he are so far apart on this, then this was not the guy for you. Anything that makes you so uncomfortable is obviously an important issue to you and therefore must be respected by any partner you choose.

    And you may indeed be naive and/or prudish. So what?

  3. You’re valid in your concerns…let him go and find someone else….he will just cause more problems in the future w/his addiction

  4. no, i don’t think you’re too naive, prudish, etc. i think it’s a good thing that you two are done with..you need to find someone better than that.

  5. No, all your concerns are completely valid. Every person has their own set of moral standards to which they adhere. Others don’t always follow the same moral code. I personally would try to find someone with a similar set of moral values to mine, and the chances of you having a happy, lasting relationship with them are much better. This guy it doesn’t sound like is going to stop, and while he sees nothing wrong with it, you apparently do. Which is fine, it’s just a difference of opinion here. If you can’t come to a middle ground on this issue, I’m afraid there’s little hope for your relationship in the long run, because this is relatively mild compared to other problems you will face in the future. Good luck!
    -Duo

  6. You need to get a life big time, don’t worry! GO buy a really expensive pair of clothes don’t bother us with all this nonsense!

  7. No you are not too naive or prudish you are a woman with self-respect. That is very important, never be ashamed for having self-respect. Many women feel the same way you do. I am proud of you for voicing your concerns. It is important to stand up for what you believe in. I wish you the best!

  8. if you dont try everything at least once, you’ll never truly know yourself.we ,as humans,learn through experiencing things.let your hair down and try things you’d never even contemplated before-at the very least you’ll make some new friends and learn alot about yourself, at best; your change and grow as a person, becoming more accepting , adventurous and confident along the way

  9. I think that you need to be open minded with people when it comes to their preferences in whatever respect. You also need to be true to yourself, and if you feel uncomfortable with something, you should be allowed to express it without feeling that you are in any way prudish. there is nothing wrong with the way you feel and you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone. But its a case of live and let live. Give him the same respect that you expect him to give you!

  10. You have valid concerns. This guy is a waste of your time. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He’s a player. Move on, some lucky guy will be glad to have you, and won’t need that other crap.

  11. Don’t second guess yourself. You seem to be level headed. If he could not take some constructive criticism then the heck with him. Maybe it was not even constructive criticism from you but your own personal views. Either way if this person can’t handle someone else having an opinion, you did not need his companionship anyway. Good luck. Mike

  12. Listen, everyone has a right to their opinion. If he judges you by simply expressing yourself then you don’t want to b e with him in the first place. Don’t get intimacy confused with LOVE. Yes there are some concerns if he uses those sights alot or just goofing around. At least he was honest with you and didn’t hide it from you.

    It was definalty his loss for breaking up with you. You have values and that goes to show something that not alot of people have. Stick with it and you’ll find someone who has the same values as you!!

    And what ever you do, don’t give up!!!

  13. You definitely have valid concerns. Besides, why should you have to change your views particulalry over this. I would not like it if it were my man. I am all up for open mindedness but I think you are right, you do need intimacy in a relationship otherwise what is the point? I think its a good thing you are without him cos what kind of guy makes you question yourself to that extent?

  14. there is nothing wrong with you, it’s all him…the fact that you try to let others know how you feel is a plus…you deserve better than him anyway…yes it may be hard at first but in time you will heal and move on…don’t you ever change who you are because you want someone to love you the way you are not use you because you are the way you are…stay true to yourself always and you will find that right person…

  15. I think the same as you, sex is an intimate, private and personal act, yes I enjoy it but I don’t think about it 24/7, there is a time and place for everything specially sex.

    There should be room in a relationship for both people to enjoy whatever it is they like so he can watch his porn (doesn’t mean you have to).

    What is filthy and sordid to one person is fantastic to another, we’re all different.

    You both need to reach a middle ground, a compromise but neither of you should do anything you are uncomfortable or unsure of if you can’t reach a compromise then you’re both better off separating and finding new relationships with people who are like minded

  16. I’m not sure exactly what the question is, but here’s some advice. When telling a significant other about your views on something they’re doing -that could be sensitive- you should temper it with a lot of love and acceptance as well so that they don’t feel judged or condemned for their actions. Good luck!

  17. You do have valid concerns when you don’t feel comfortable about his porn you have a right to tell him what you feel. or you could have asked him not to view it while his at ure place. relationship is about compromise and he wasn’t willing till when will you put up with it.
    Since he broke up with u…its his loss. As they say there are a lot of fish in the sea. I’m sure you will meet someone that is good 4 u.

  18. You have valid concerns. You may be naive about what is going on “out there,” but you have your values, and just because they are not everyone’s values does not mean that they are wrong.

    Shared values are one of the most important elements in relationships. Couples cannot be comfortable when their values differ too much.

    You may have deep feelings for this guy, but that is the way it goes. There is a saying I will paraphrase here: you can add sugar to poison to make it taste better, but it will still kill you if you drink it.

  19. i think its not a matter of being too naive or prudish as such, but you shouldnt be concerned either. It is not unusual to feel strange when your man looks at porn etc. in fact most women probably would prefer them not to. I think you’re right in saying he probably felt that you were judging him but that was your opinion and he would be stupid to break off a relationship because of that alone. Have you ever watched/seen any porn? If not then you shouldnt judge before seeing. The same goes if you havent seen different types. If you have experienced it, then your opinions are fine but you might have to accpet that it is something that men do, not all but most do, and if it comes up in a relationship again, then state your opinion (nicely and without being derogatory to those who use it) and talk about it.

  20. I once had this problem, so you aren’t alone. And yes, you do have valid concerns. If it hurts you, it’s valid and you did the right thing by telling him your views. I think the reason you are feeling naive & prudish is because guys always say “I’m a guy, I have to look at porn.” I’ve always looked at it the same way you do — if he has me, why does he need porn, right? It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that guys will look at porn. But if it’s causing you problems and you told him that, he should’ve been more concerned with your feelings instead of being quick to break up with you. It seems to me like in the long run you will be better off because he’s only concerned with himself.

  21. no you are all ok ,you stick yo what you feel is right for you and how you were brought up

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