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What defines “online cheating?”?

My fiance and I were engaged a month ago and since the ring on my finger Went, his behavior has-been a bit questionable. I can not explain it, I’ve just had a feeling he was up to That no good, so today I found out That he joined adult personals website right year Effective We Were engaged!. . you know, the kind with local girls who want to hook up. . . (It was in the history on our computer, I did not snoop) Anyway, I just Confronted him about it and he Said That I drove him to join the site Because my ex still texts me and though I have attacked him to leave me alone , and I have my fiance Shown all of the texts before deleting ’em. I drove him to this. I have even Agreed to change my cell phone number. He Said it is all my fault That he was and only on the site today to cancel his membership, it was not canceled. Also, I just signed a year lease with him. . . now I do not know what to do, I am so heartbroken right now and I feel stuck in a really bad situation. . . this is not his first offense. . . help please: (Thank you all for the responses. Greatly appreciate em I. I have a little update: Now .. he wants to go to couples therapy goal says he still does not That Feel That he cheated and then got sarcastic with me Told me and that I’m “perfect, and never do a thing wrong.” UGH, so I ask … WHAT am I doing wrong???: (

25 comments

  1. You “drove him to join the site”?

    What, you sat him down and put a gun to his head and said “Join this site”?

    What a load of crap.

    It’s all your fault? Bullhockey.

    I wouldn’t marry him until he’s able to grow the hell up and take responsibility for his own actions instead of trying to blame everyone else like some five year old.

  2. Get rid of people on the fist offense. Lesson learned.

  3. You don’t want to be with some one who is going to blame you for what they do. If he acts like this now it wont get any better. I would end it before you tie the knot.

  4. thats rongg its his fuault not yers just cuz yer ex txt yu doesnt mean anything
    mabe you guys werent ment to be cuz he shouldnt do that online chitt i say you make an acount to and make sure he knoes so he relizes how you feel

  5. Thank that little boy for showing you his true nature BEFORE you make the mistake of marrying him.
    Run, don’t walk, to your apartment door and don’t look back.
    Good luck!

  6. He is a douchetard. Even if you cheated on him that is not a reason for him to cheat on you. It might be a reason to leave you, depending on how mad he is. But it’s not a license to cheat.

    The fact that he can’t clear his internet history shows he is in addition a complete dope. You’re riding in coach with this guy and you’ll be there your whole life. He is simply not devious enough to succeed in life. You can do better.

  7. If it’s not his first offense, why did you agree to marry him? If there’s a trust issue, you really should break it off with him. It will save you a lot of heartbreak in the end.

    And also, just the fact that he signed up for a dating website with such a sad excuse makes me think he’s no good.

  8. he’s a loser leave him. If you aren’t even married yet, he shouldn’t be thinking about cheating.

  9. I really don’t know what to say. As a guy, I can say that a lot of guys do go to sites like that out of sheer curiosity. It doesn’t necessarily mean he will cheat or was thinking about it.

    But it’s still troubling. It’s kind of not a good sign that he blamed you for it and said it’s your fault.

    If you’re having doubts, I would slow down a bit and make sure not to rush into anything until you feel 100% comfortable about it.

  10. Yes it is cheating. He is suppose to be looking forward to spending the rest of his life with you and instead he is looking for other girls online. I know exactly where your coming from. Except I actually made the mistake of marrying my husband. Thought he could change and now were married with a baby so now i really feel stuck. I would do everything to get out now! Don’t make the same mistake i made. About the apartment… i would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe he can get a friend to take your place on the lease or maybe you could get a friend to take his place. But whatever you do don’t marry him. Good luck!

  11. Seems like it’s his fault. Not yours at all. You did the right thing on all accounts. You need to sit down and talk with him, ask him if he’s really ready to spend his life with you. After all, it is a very large commitment. Get yourselves on the same level. Tell him he hurt you. And see what happens. Hopefully he realizes what he did was wrong. You couldn’t “drive” him to join that personals site. That decision was made by his own free will. Best of luck to you

  12. There is no legal definition of “online cheating.” The definition rests between two people and their agreed upon terms. You can say what he did is “online cheating;” he can say it is not. But that is hardly the point.

    And it’s not the first time?????

    You do not have the power to “drive” anybody to anything. This guy you’re engaged to is a big boy who is responsible for his own behavior. The fact that HE is not in touch with that fact is very disturbing.

    I suppose as YOU have driven him to pursue other women, other women will soon be able to “drive” him into bed, blah blah blah. Rest assured it will not be his fault but the fault of someone else.

    What’s more YOU have driven this loser to behavior because your former boyfriend texts you? What??????????????

    You are stuck in a bad situation. Wait til you marry him and see how stuck you feel then! Tough it out for awhile and see where it goes. We often see what we want to see during these trials, but I can tell you for a fact that this guy is NOT going to gain any sort of ethical or moral foundation overnight. It’s too late for that. He’s going to do as he pleases and you ultimately will be the one to blame for “driving” him to it.

    People are going to say “oh, if he loves you . . .” and “oh oh if you love him” and have violin music playing the background. But the sad fact is you have hooked up with a jerk. Better that you know sooner rather than later.

  13. hmm…so he is getting defensive about this, and in turn is lying the blame on you. First off, I would say that even going to one of those sites when you are in a relationship is cheating, there is only one purpose for those sites, and that is to find someone to have sex with. Seriously think about this before you marry this guy. If its happening now, its not going to stop once your married.

  14. I met my current Bf online and I know that he still has some girl friends that he was talking to before we met, he assures me that he doesn’t anymore and I believe him, he gives me no reason to think otherwise even though they are still on his lists. I also have the dreaded X factor and I too was afraid at first that this was going to ruin my relationship with him, so I ended the problem and cut all ties with the ex and dont speak to him and also changed my number etc, Your situation I would be leary of…..I suppose this depends on the amount of activity he has on the site…It sounds like he may be just trying to show you how he feels because of the X problem…if you put a stop to it-it may go away and return to normal….If hes not really dating them or chatting with them with intention to meet, just joined the site and letting them send him stuff and he doesnt return then you might not have anything to worry about.

  15. WOW the nerve

    I’m in the playpen with Mildred

  16. crazygirlwithascythe

    First off, you didn’t drive anyone to do anything. He joined that website on his on initiative, nobody made him but himself. Second off, if you really showed him ever text your ex sent you and made a solid effort to cut ties off then you did nothing wrong. Also, you said this wasn’t his first offense? There’s absolutely no excuse for him becoming a member of any type of dating website.

    What you need to do is have a talk with your fiance, calm and rational adult conversation. No accusations, don’t interupt each other, you guys just let each other talk. Just ask him why he really did this. If I were in your situation and he couldn’t give me a straight answer I would give back the ring until he could tell you. If he flat out refuses it sucks but you should probably try to break it off.

    Call your landlord and explain things. They probably won’t care, but some have a heart.

    Best of luck to you.

    Edit: I read your update and it sounds to me like he’s not taking you seriously. You know what? If I were you I’d call his bluff and go to couple’s therapy. If you did I bet the therapist would agree with your concerns and tell him that he indeed is wrong. If he refuses to go, you should seriously think if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.

  17. this sounds A LOT like my stepdad… you need to get rid of him ASAP! or you will regret it… cause I guarantee you this will not be the last time it happens… find a guy thats really worthwhile for you 🙂

    -Blessings

  18. Leases can be broken, so can engagements. You might want to reconsider this one.

  19. well.. if he is not good with u and not up to ur expectations, u should leave him.. and this is pre-marriage, so things usually get worst after marraiage..

  20. Well- he is obviously not ready to be married yet. Not to say you can’t work on your relationship now while your still engaged- Fortunately you are going through this while engaged and NOT married-. You cannot drive him to do anything he does not want to do- If he as a man has a problem with something then he needs to discuss it with you as an adult and like a future husband would.
    He can’t be sneaky and then when he gets caught blame you for “making him do it” that’s very immature and very telling of what he may try to pull later on. He most likely has not cheated but that fact that he feels the need to talk to other women while newly engaged then he may have some issues to deal with.
    The fact you live with him makes it hard. If you don’t want to live with him then you can leave but try to help him find a roommate–you will be liable to the landlord if you move out and he doesn’t pay the whole rent if you are both on the lease. If he moves out you can maybe find a roommate to stay with you. Hopefully
    things will get better and you guys can get past this, it’s a good preview of what married life will be like. It may be the best thing you have to decide on whether to marry him or part ways…
    You will ultimately have to decide what you want and can deal with- best wishes and good luck to you…

  21. that is definitely cheating. i know it will be hard, but you really shouldn’t get married any time soon. don’t believe that crap that you drove him to it. lol. if i had a dollar for every time i heard that. right now he is joining the sites, next thing you know, he will be meeting them. if he hasn’t already. and all it will do is drive you nuts. you shouldn’t put up wih that crap. noone should.

  22. What it all comes down to is this- he joined the site (You did not make him do that) and he must have known it was wrong (or he would not have felt the need to place the blame anywhere else). I am deeply sorry, and have never been engaged but I can only imagine how upsetting this must be.
    My first word of advice is this- be the reasonable one. Make sure that while he is putting the blame on you and making you feel miserable about yourself that you keep a level head (which is amazingly hard to do)
    Talk to him. Not in an accusing way, just say that you see this as wrong and he is still on the website.
    When it comes down to it, this is the man you will spend the rest of your life with (or thats what marriage should be) and I have seen people marry many times with the idea that they will change or their spouse will change and you cannot change another person. It is, in the end, his choice and if he want to do this, and you don’t agree or feel it is right, then perhaps this is not meant to be.
    Most important of all in a relationship is that both people should equally work to sustain the relationship and without one person working to do so, it collapses.
    Reading that this is not the first offense tells me that perhaps there is more to this story also…
    Well I hope that my very scattered ideas help you.. and that whatever decisions you make lead to a happy life. 🙂

  23. I think if you really love him you should maybe encourage him to take marriage counseling with you. It is apparent that there are some issues that need to be addressed before marriage. I think it is crap that he blamed it on you. I am sure he knows that, that was a bogus move. I hope this issue gets resolved the way you hope. Good Luck!

  24. You might want to rethink marrying a man that is as immature and not able to control himself any better than this one. Yes, he cheated. There is no question about that.

  25. What are you doing wrong? Sounds like you’re trusting your happiness to the wrong guy. He seems to have a way of turning things around and blaming you! If you signed a lease with him, stick it out for a while…with eyes wide open. See what other things he does wrong and tries to blame you for. I don’t think you have to worry about setting a date…something tells me he wouldn’t agree to that anyway. Make it a real long engagement if you decide to stay. Maybe being married is too final for him…he may not be ready. Hope this helps…

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